… explore the possibilities
Other things to read on this topic…
Read the ideas behind the book:
Letters that Talk
We can be passionate about something we believe all our
lives, but others will never know what you’re thinking
until you say it.
However, expressing something doesn’t mean you will be heard either.
Stan wasn’t a man gifted with putting words together. In
fact, even the thoughts struggled to find their way through
his vocal cords and into the air.
In his heart, he usually knew what he felt about something,
but when standing in front of someone, the words would
evaporate like a foolish man’s money.
It probably didn’t really matter most of the time, but being a
dad and having to raise a teenage boy, meant there were
often things that really needed to be said. Like most other
things, they just went unsaid.
Teenagers however, need to hear certain things from their
parents, especially at critical times in their developing
years, which happens to be all of the time. Things like, how
important they are, words of encouragement, words of
guidance, words of affirmation and words that say, ‘I really
care about you’.
When we don’t hear certain things from one another, we can
assume that we are not getting things right, the course of
action we are taking is right even though it maybe not the
best, or worst of all, that we’re not worth talking to.
It was only after Jarred left home at the age of seventeen,
that Stan fully realized it was too late and that the things he
wished he had said, were no longer worth saying.
The father son relationship never ever improved.
You’re not alone
Is this a scenario that sounds familiar? Do you relate to the experience
of not being able to say to someone, what you’d really like to say?
It might surprise you to discover that it’s a wide-spread phenomena
world wide. It affects all types of people, of all ages and all ranks of
In the book, Crucial Conversations, by Patterson, there are numerous
stories of managers, supervisors and employees who are unable to talk
about critical information in the workplace. It’s no different amongst
friends, relatives or in our own homes.
Amongst the many reasons we can’t say what we want to say, is the
problems of not being heard. Either we are shouted down, told we are
wrong, or just plain ignored.
The problem with being told we are wrong, is that we tend to lose or
give up on our own beliefs. Before long we give up on having our own
sense of self, after all, the life we are living is basically what someone
else believes is right.
But there is a way of being heard. In the book Letters that Talk, you will
find simple techniques and principles that if followed, can lead to your
message finally getting a hearing.
Thinking and saying are not
the same thing.