The Great Competition for Love

How odd is this thing called love.

Philosophers, poets, writers and film makers have for centuries written about it and tried to explain or define it, but the best we can do is tell or show some of the ways it reveals itself.

A young girl was showing grandma her dolls. She talked about each one, then lifted one off the shelf and handed it to her Gran.

“This one,” she said, “is my favourite”.

The doll was old, ragged and well-worn. An eye was missing, and the ragged material had long since faded. Granny was taken aback and couldn’t resist asking why this was her favourite.

“Well”, she said, “if I didn’t love her, nobody would”.

Is this real love?  What makes it so?

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Understanding our differences

Albert Einstein once said, ‘Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed’.

 

Brilliant as he definitely was, Einstein, only got it half right. You don’t have to be disappointed.

 

Terry and Joanne were both struggling in their marriage. They said they loved each other but somehow, Joanne found herself continually irritated by the way Terry did things.

Terry, on the other hand, couldn’t see anything wrong with the way he did things and failed to see what Joanne was all upset about.

The body language said it all. Joanne was leaning as far away from Terry to make it clearly obvious there was something she didn’t like about him.

Joanne had dragged Terry along to see me in the hope that I would agree with Joanne, that Terry was quite screwed up and I would tell him in no uncertain manner that he needed to change the way he did things.

This strange idea is based on the myth that counsellors have a vast bucket of knowledge, wisdom and good judgement. To say nothing of authority. How wrong she was. We are just ordinary people like everybody else.

What we are well-skilled in however, is the ability to observe what is going on right in front of us. Hopefully, with the skills to reflect this behaviour back to the clients in a way that they will see the light and decide what they want to do about it.  That’s the theory.

Well it seldom works as easy as that.

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