So what’s with the lighthouse?

Apart from the fact that I like lighthouses and find them fascinating and mysterious, they seem to express the ideas and concepts I wish to write about.


Most of us would agree that the bright flashing light warns of danger.

I like to think that there’s another way of thinking about it. The captain of a ship may also conclude, “If I stay in the safe lanes designated on the map, I’ll be safe and have nothing to worry about.”

Over many years talking to people in distress, I have seen a strong parallel with the idea of following known and reliable paths. The problem is, not everybody knows about those paths. simply because they have forgotten about them, drifted away from them, or never had the opportunity to learn about them.

It is those safe and proven paths, I wish to share.

Some of the things you will find in the coming pages, will be familiar to you. Others may not.

I look forward to sharing with you, some of the paths I have seen, that are worth following.

Understanding our differences

Albert Einstein once said, ‘Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed’.


Brilliant as he definitely was, Einstein, only got it half right. You don’t have to be disappointed.


Terry and Joanne were both struggling in their marriage. They said they loved each other but somehow, Joanne found herself continually irritated by the way Terry did things.

Terry, on the other hand, couldn’t see anything wrong with the way he did things and failed to see what Joanne was all upset about.

The body language said it all. Joanne was leaning as far away from Terry to make it clearly obvious there was something she didn’t like about him.

Joanne had dragged Terry along to see me in the hope that I would agree with Joanne, that Terry was quite screwed up and I would tell him in no uncertain manner that he needed to change the way he did things.

This strange idea is based on the myth that counsellors have a vast bucket of knowledge, wisdom and good judgement. To say nothing of authority. How wrong she was. We are just ordinary people like everybody else.

What we are well-skilled in however, is the ability to observe what is going on right in front of us. Hopefully, with the skills to reflect this behaviour back to the clients in a way that they will see the light and decide what they want to do about it.  That’s the theory.

Well it seldom works as easy as that.

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